Grasping Bonds
by DreamReap
Summary: Confused feelings can make even the strongest bonds painful. A story of Ritsuka and Soubi's love fitted around a quote by Yun. Not much storyline, mainly character's thoughts.


**Grasping Bonds**

Ritsuka Aoyagi sat on his bed in the evening. Waiting.

.

[Have you ever been in love?]

.

He missed someone. But never wanted to admit it. Ritsuka didn't want to admit

the lonely feeling that wanted to take over inside him. And he didn't want to

admit that he knew exactly who would cure it.

.

[Horrible isn't it?]

.

Ritsuka felt like he was being taken over mind, body and soul, whenever that

person enveloped him in a hug. A warm, generous, kind hug.

.

[It makes you so vulnerable.]

.

The kind of hug that only made him want more.

.

[It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can

get inside you and mess you up.]

.

Ritsuka didn't understand love. Ritsuka didn't understand memories. But most of

all Ritsuka didn't understand one person.

Soubi.

The tall man entered Ritskua's room through his balcony window. Greeting him.

Enveloping him in a hug that he loved and hated. A hug that stirred desire deep

within.

.

[You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that

nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid

person, wanders into your stupid life...]

.

Ritsuka hadn't wanted anyone. No one but Seimei. Now that Seimei had left him he

felt himself slipping away, into another's arms. Someone else's protective

grasp.

.

[You give them a piece of you.]

.

Ritsuka thought he didn't want it. Ritsuka thought he didn't want Soubi. Not

anyone. But something inside of him wrenched at his heart. It wouldn't allow him

to let say no. He couldn't let go. He allowed Soubi's grasp to reach him. To

hold onto him.

.

[They didn't ask for it.]

.

Soubi would've took an order, maybe even a request if Ritsuka meant it. But he

wouldn't allow himself to say permanent words. Dismissing words. Words he didn't

feel.

.

[They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your

life isn't your own anymore.]

.

Soubi stared into Ritsukas eyes, as he held the boy in his lap. Ritsuka was

being sucked in. Soubi's grasp on his soul, on his heart, grew tighter. The bond

holding them thickened constantly. Soul sucking. Heart wrenching. Soubi reached

out to the boy. Lusting for kisses. Ritsuka couldn't stop him. Ritsuka couldn't

say the words he didn't feel. He wouldn't. He allowed Soubi to suck him away. To

strangle him in love. In warm kisses.

.

[Love takes hostages. It gets inside you.]

.

Ritsuka wasn't the only one being held by the bonds. They shared. The grasping

of their hearts pulled at Soubi. Pulled at Ritsuka. Dragging each other into the

depths of places they didn't know. Welcoming feelings, jittery stomachs and

flushed red faces. Meshed together with feelings they never thought they could

understand.

.

[It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness,]

.

Ritsuka couldn't help the hurtful words that might slip from his lips. Phrases

of little boy anger that hurt more than any wound. Don't tell me

you love me.

Don't tell me

those lies.

Ritsuka didn't believe the words he said. He didn't want to believe. Reality

caused disorder. Bonds wavered at the sight of truth. Confusion slipped into

anger once it held him to tight.

Ritsuka met ordered lies with confused lies.

.

[so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass

splinter working its way into your heart.]

.

Soubi felt himself shatter everytime. He wanted to be closer than this. To stop

being held back. But the words his partner spoke said to distance farther. False

words with a lining of truth devouring him. A new kind of feast. One that would

leave him in pieces. Instead of joining two wholes.

.

[It hurts.]

.

Soubi doesn't want to believe the words. He only wants to obey them. Obey their

speaker. No he wants more. He wants the bonds no servant should give. He has the

bonds no servant should have.

The bonds are strong and don't give under the pressure of such words. Words

without force cannot defeat such a strong bond. Nevertheless reaching to both

many sharp hands will not relent. Pain shatters through both ends of the

grasping bonds. They share.

.

[Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind.]

.

The confusion-laden words attempt to eat away the bond. but fail. Still words

with even a small feeling behind them ,even an unsure feel, hurt. Pain rings

through their bodies. Pain echoes in their heads.

.

[It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain.]

.

Soubi deals with pain. The pain. He doesn't enjoy the pain he feels when a

treasured bond threatens to snap. A threat that will never be pursued. It still

looms over him. Wanting to steal him away.

Ritsuka regrets. True words of dismissal will not come. True confessions of

heart will not come. Only pain will come.

.

[I hate love.]

.

Pain is nearly overwhelming. Nearly.

Why could be worth the pain.

Loneliness looms close behind the thoughts.

But, so much pressure will not break the bonds.

So much pain will not break lovers.

Many hugs will heal it all.

Contact strenghtening bonds.

Contanct to ease.

To clear.

To love.


End file.
